When I hit 44 1/2, I woke up nervous. I was grouchy. I apologized to my husband and kiddos for starting their day off horribly. This was not how I had envisioned my morning. In retrospect, I realized I was stressing because I was unsure of what was around the corner. Would 45 be a milestone year? I am one who likes certainty and to be in control and to be in the know. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I just didn’t know.
Since then, I have had a few conversations with other 45+ women. Their experiences are different and hearing their perspective has been somewhat helpful. I’ve listened to stories about hormones, to astrological theories, and to those who say to just deal with it and not make such a big issue about what i may be experiencing physically and emotionally.
This trip to 45 so far–whether it is because of hormones, wanderlust, an itch for change, the full moon or simply because I’m freaking out–has been out of my control and out of my norm. I’ve cried at least once a month, questioned my direction in life, and had the desire to be a stay at home for the first time in 12 years.
These are my musings of my journey as I enter my 45th year…the good, the bad, the ups and downs. I’ve decided to sink my feet in and get grounded in all that transpires and see what happens day by day as a Pinay, a mom, a wife, a workaholic in my next life chapter.