words are hard to come by
words of sorrow are all i have to get me through tomorrow
i light a candle and have a vigil in honor of life
in memory of sandra
five who chose to wear blue
in memory of grace
because they were black
lives were taken
lives were lost
we cannot justify taking a life for a life for a life
nor can we accept this as a justified practice for peace and protection
we must live our lives with purpose
rather than allow death to be our pathway to reach eternal life
i had the joy of watching fireworks from pier 39 in SF for the first time after living in the bay area for 20+ years. was happy to see my childrens’ faces as they watched the sky light up.
i’m conflicted about this day. i get to experience all that this country has to offer yet am disgusted at what has become of our our society where human life is devalued, where people treat each other like crap.
solstice has passed and here we are. summer. summer. summer time.
the sun shines bright well past the evening hours. memories of being at the old house where it was customary for family to show up throughout the afternoon hours donning swimsuits and eating snack food that was prepped in the outside, “dirty kitchen.”
i think after tonight, there could be new meaning to game recognize game. i was in a house full of warriors fans and one cavs supporter, and happily watched in support of the bay area team and of the die hard daughter and dad. what a stressful game!
i then proceeded to watch game of thrones for the first time ever. let’s just say it was not an episode to bring down the stress level! ramsey bolton fought a hard battle, yet jon snow prevailed.
What nurtures you? This was a question asked at one of my weekly work meetings. At work, we get our s*(% done and we also have time to be reflective, thoughtful and intentional about checking in with each other to help keep us centered and connected as a team.
Some spoke of silence, of keeping the basics consistent (eating, sleeping, exercising), and of shopping. I spoke of writing. When I was younger, I was gifted a pink Holly Hobby diary with a lock. I absolutely loved it and loved writing in it. I eventually graduated to writing in the black and white composition notebooks and filled many of these throughout my college year. These days, I have random pleather bound notebooks, notepads with scribbles scattered throughout the house, and recycled paper stapled together, and of course, the interweb.
Today, I finally posted this site. I’ve been writing for me since last fall. Of course folks only see a glimpse of who we really are. Nonetheless, this is one piece of me that all should know. Right now, I don’t write to be fancy or to gain a following. I don’t write to educate others or share political views. I write for me. I write because it’s meditative. I write for pleasure.
spring has sprung and summer is just around the corner. there’s been a lot of impetus to get “back to the regular” routine. as i may have shared in other posts, “i’ve regularly been posting “57 days for prince.” i’ve been getting back into the regular daily musings/writing, here…regular music playing/learning. however, it was my daughter who called me out about getting back to a regular working out session. “mom,” she said, “i know physically you can do it. mentally, is what you need to work on.”
she was absolutely correct.
she must have been hearing me as i express that i haven’t worked out regularly since december. she listens when i say i need to eat healthier. she sees how i haven’t been following up and sees the mental block. all words and no action. not a good example! it was enough to jump start some healthy practices. and to watch and reframe what i do.
i’m glad to say that since memorial day weekend, i’ve been eating much healthier. for at least the past three years, my brother and sister have been doing a “vegan summer.” along with them, i’ve done soda free summer and no sugar sweetened beverages. this summer i’m going pesceterian 6 out of 7 days of the week. and FINALLY, today, i got some focused physical activity in with a 2 mile walk with my husband and 20 minute park play time with my lil one. !
i’ve been setting goals so that i can feel accomplished and stay motivated. in november, i made a commitment to nourish myself (as in really eat because i tend to skip meals when work gets busy, and i can easily just keep working and working until i’m famished and exhausted at the end of the day), nourish my creativity (happy to say i’ve been writing consistently since then, and being colorful, and making music central to my life), and prioritizing my family. i’ve been able to leave work early 3 days a week (even though for a short period of time) to be a mom and partake in my kids life after school. and for a good stretch of time, until recently, i did not bring work home. this has all made such a big difference in my quality of life. even though life is busy all around, it does feel like it has gotten slower and easier to manage.i just want it to be continued as the summer approaches.
next up is to increase the music and creativity and work on my own health now that i’m eating well. (did i say i’m trying a pescetarian diet from memorial day through labor day?) working on my health means working out. i’m soft around the middle and feel like jelly!
a year ago, i participated in my first cleanse. i journaled my food intake on a daily basis, i stuck to a decent pre-planned menu, i had a healthy snack pack that i brought to work, and i was working out. this lasted for a good three months. i felt healthy. i was in a good mood. everything went well, but it didn’t become a habit. i succumbed to my french fry fascination. i went back to drinking boba tea (aka sugar sweetened beverage) and slowly i stopped working out consistently.
a year later, i’m likely paying the price.
i’m about 85% healthy. i’ve been a fighting a bug for 3/4 weeks of may. i’ve likely taken the most sick days this month in my entire working career.
what a kick in the pants and a wake up call. poor health coupled with stress in other areas of life is not a good combination.
i’m pleased to have had the chance for two full days of healthy eating, sun and warmth and spending it with my kids and husband. the long weekend provided a much-needed retreat and a good wake up call.
a dear friend asked me if i’ve been writing regularly. it’s been a while. it was a good reminder as to why i started this project. writing has been therapeutic.
as you may have read, i was freaking out about turning 45. and admittedly, i continue to have good and bad days as i figure out what the next 45 years will bring. i’ve been keeping up my motivation by doing things that make me happy and keep me inspired. to date, this has been a everything from dabbling more in music, coloring my hair purple (love it!), prioritizing family time, making time to see and communicate more with friends, and going into the art space more at work.
my friend asked me if i’ve posted 45 times and i’m happy to say that i’ve far exceeded that!
always good to have a reminder to take a moment. breathe.